Sage Spencer: October 2009

I just moved to a new apartment. I didn’t want to, but I had to.

Outside my building each day is this guy standing, smoking and talking on his phone. Each day as I leave, he smiles at me, this wonderful warm smile.

His is big, hulking big, looks like a body builder or a bouncer.

I finally responded to his polite attempts to speak to me and now I cannot stop thinking about him.

We have talked only a few times, but for hours each time.

He smokes and has two cats. That is two strikes against any friendship. I am, according to my allergist, the most allergic patient he has had in his career. I cannot be friends with a guy who chain smokes and has two cats?!?

And yet I can’t stay away from him.

I think I am falling in love with him. It has been years since I fell for a guy. I am still quite young, but I do not fall easily. Maybe trust issues are the reason; I’m not sure.

He hugged me tonight. Not a romantic hug. At least I don’t think so. I was nervous to hug him back: afraid he might sense that I have fallen for him. Though I cannot stop smiling at him, so maybe he knows? I am trying really hard not to let him know.

Why? Because I am not ready to be in love right now. It frankly could not happen at a worse time. I want to meet him a year from now, though that is assuming he likes me and I am really not sure if he does. I am having real trouble deciphering that.

Whatever happens, he has shown me something important…that I don’t want to be alone anymore. So, even if he doesn’t become my guy, he has already given me a great gift.

Thank you Dave.